dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
