All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
