Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
