You're my little dorito
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
