I think i sorta joined a cult last night
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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