My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
