My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
