i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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