Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
