Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
