she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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