No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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