so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
