maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
