so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Randomize