Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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