I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
