Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
