My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
