Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
