I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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