I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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