i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
