we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Your cock deserves a montage
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
