He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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