naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
