its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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