I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
