its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
