I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
