What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
