woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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