I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
