Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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