She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
