your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
