Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
