...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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