I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
