Having a random hookup so left but love u
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
