Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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