Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
