I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
