And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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