Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
