Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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