Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
