well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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