don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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