wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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