we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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