fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
