Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize