You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
