I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
