hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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