Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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