somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
