There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
