thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im having a threesome with these popsicles
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
