I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
