I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
