tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
