Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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