Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize