I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
